Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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