so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
