Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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