where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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