I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he was CRYING into my vagina
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
