the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
