20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
