Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
