I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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