Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Boobs speak an international language.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
