I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
