You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
