I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
