Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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