she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just gift wrapped bread.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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