So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
