TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
