**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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