So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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