He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
