Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We need a shit load of segways right now
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
