I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
