you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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