Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
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