i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
