i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
