its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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