overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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