Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
