Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
