I wish I could teleport
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
