i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
