As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
