They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
