I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
My vagina just clenched in fear
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
