That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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