this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
