It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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