just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
