I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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