i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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