Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
