You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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