Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
if only i could text you this smell
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It's blow job season.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
