People in love make me want to vomit
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
