he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
