Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
