Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
