P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
