then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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