Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
