I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
