Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
